What Women Really Think About Men &
by Michelle Valles
Guys and their wheels? You bet, we gals notice; we just act like we don’t.
Hello! We just don’t want to look like the golddiggers you already think we are. Expensive cars are nice, but we’d rather you spend your money on us – (I kid, I kid!) Believe me, women rarely overlook the “B” on the front hood, or the SL500 emblem.
Drive an expensive car? Rookie girl will start envisioning you taking her to Vegas, the spa, and weekend getaways to Napa, while the more experienced, smart girl will be on guard, looking for signs of a shady pimp, still skeptical of how you got the money to afford the ride. Believe me, she’ll be watching closely to see if you pay the tab with two credit cards. Of course, the expensive ride rules out even the suggestion of going ‘Dutch.’ Plus, no one goes ‘Dutch’ these days and still gets a second date, right?
It’s funny what cars say about us, even if it’s not true. I had to convince people I wasn’t a stripper when I drove my cute little Mitsubishi Eclipse in college. Life isn’t fair, I know. Maybe this is subjective, but let me tell you what these cars say to me:
If the lady’s savvy, she won’t be too impressed with your wheels. Anyone can lease or borrow a BMW 7 series, and believe me, she started her background check on you long before you picked her up. Why? A lot of us gals know plenty of guys who’ve spent all their cash on some bangin’ wheels, but somehow are still behind on their car insurance payment and live with mom. Some guys still have Daddy payin’ their bills. Or worse, they’re borrowing their dad’s car. (Maybe we should just meet the dad!) Seriously though, that’s why a lot of us don’t get too carried away with what you’re driving. Just sayin’!
Remember, this is Austin, not Dallas and whom are you trying to impress? Kim Kardashian? Sorry to break it to you, you’re never gonna get a date with her or her sisters. Let it go. Good time gal might like your expensive wheels, but the marrying kind of gal (please don’t run to the hills) wants a sensible guy with a professional car (careful with those 4-door sedans though, they scream pharmaceutical rep or guy going through a divorce). If she’s from South Austin, you’ll get points with a smart car or hybrid (gas guzzlers are sooo 1990’s). And don’t forget the Texas gals who get excited with the sound of a V8 – nothing reeks of testosterone like hot rods and trucks. But you’d better back it up! If you have a 4-wheel drive truck with an extended cab and 21-inch wheels, please own a ranch. Nothing screams “poser” or “insecure” than a guy with a pickup truck who doesn’t use it to haul hay, haul dirt or haul whatever gear you take on your guy trips. If you don’t, guaranteed she’ll be hauling ass out of there.
Okay, now let’s talk about what happens INSIDE the car. (No, you’re not that lucky – yet), I’m talking about car cleanliness. A free, little tip here: PLEASE, before you pick her up, get rid of all those lip glosses and ponytail holders your ‘friends’ have left behind. Tip #2 – she’s spent all day getting dolled-up, so there’s nothing worse than us sitting on a seat covered with dog hair. We love Flaco too, but not on our new dress!
Here are the two kinds of car slobs I’ve spotted over the years:
The “OMG-he-lives-out-of-his-car” Guy (which is semi-ok if you’re a real mover and shaker in this town). The kinda guy who’s rarely home because he’s running from the boardroom to business luncheons to the gym. We get it, you’re busy and that’s hot. If there’s an instrument case in the trunk or back seat, you are definitely forgiven. Just make sure your place isn’t as messy as your ride. Messy is fine, and in my opinion better than the “OMG-he-eats-at-McDonald’s-twice-a-day” Guy. The stray fries in your cup holder kinda gave it away. Sorry, the trans-fat and dried ketchup on the console don’t rev-up our libido.
All jokes aside, though, if you’re an amazing guy who is honest, faithful and funny as hell, you could pick us up on a burro and we’d still love you! Just make sure you make us feel sexy, pretty, special and definitely more important than your car. It doesn’t matter if you drive the hottest car in town, trust me – no woman is going to take a back seat to your ride for long. Got it? Now, go get her! Good luck, comrades!
Mercedes, BMW & Audi:
Ah, Europeans, they always get it right. Classy and sophisticated, as long as there are no spinning rims.
Lexus, Infiniti & Camry:
So, how often do you listen to Alex Jones?
What the hell are you doing even trying to date?
So, are you tryin’ to go gangsta on me?