5 Myths and the Truth
about Male Sexuality
BY DARLINE TURNER-LEE
“If you want my body and you think I’m sexy, come on honey tell me so. If you really need me, just reach out and touch me, come on sugar, let me know.”
Rod Stewart’s 1978 hit “Do You Think I’m Sexy” asks the questions that many men struggle to answer. Are they attractive and sexy enough for women to want to sleep with them? These are honest questions. What man doesn’t want to be desired by women? At the very least, what man doesn’t want to be desired by his special woman?
A large part of male sexuality is attractiveness to the opposite sex. Men want women to want them because men want women. Specifically, men want to have sex with women. This is not new news. However, male sexuality is not solely defined by physical attractiveness or physical activity. Just like female sexuality, male sexuality is multifactorial and has many layers.
Sexuality in general is not easily defined. Dictionaries say, “The state or quality of being sexual” (Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary). Yeah, that’s really clear and easy to understand! Other definitions include,
“Sexuality is the sum of the physical, functional and psychological attributes that are expressed by one’s gender identity (perception of being a man or a woman) and sexual behavior, whether or not relating to the sex organs or to procreation.”
“Sexuality encompasses the psychological, social, emotional and spiritual makeup of an individual and the manner in which individuals express their own roles, relationships, values, customs, and gender”(Wikipedia).
More simply put, your sexuality is how you express your individual essence, as a man or woman, to the world.
Myths about sexuality abound. For example, “Women want love, men want sex.” What sweeping generalities! Many women have voracious sexual appetites and many men are concerned with the deeper meanings inherent in sexual expression.
So what are the major truths and myths about sexuality, male sexuality in particular? Here are five myths:
All Men are Not Created Equal
There are endless myths and jokes about the size of a man’s penis. Men of some races are reported to have larger penises than men of other races. Art often depicts the penis as smaller or larger depending on the culture from which the art comes and the prevailing ideal of what’s attractive. The truth is (based on controlled urological studies) that most men have a penis on the average range of approximately four inches when not erect and between five and six inches when erect. The average girth of the adult male penis when erect is three-and-a-half inches to four inches. Studies have shown no major difference in size between men of difference races or ethnicities.
While some women may say that they prefer a man with a larger penis, most experts (and women) agree that size is not the determining factor when it comes to sexual prowess or sexual satisfaction. Women and men both say that overall interest in one another, sexual technique and compatibility are far more important indicators of healthy sexuality and sexual satisfaction than penis size.
Men Always Want To and Are Always Ready To Have Sex
While men typically like to engage in sexual activity more frequently than women do, men too have their off times. If a man is worried, stressed or sick for example, he may not feel like having sex. There is nothing wrong with him sexually and his dip in libido is appropriate to his life situation. Yet because of prevailing myths, he may worry that there is something wrong with him. Likewise, if there are problems within his relationship with his partner, he may be less inclined to have sex (at least with his partner). A man’s sexual appetite may also change if he is experiencing erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or any other performance problems.
Men Just Want Sex
“Men just want sex and men are always ready to have sex.” While this is true to a point, men are also interested in having loving, intimate relationships with their partners. Many men have multiple partners at one time or another, but it is not an absolute, across the board for all men. Many men enjoy (lots of) sex in the context of a loving, intimate, monogamous relationship.
Sex Is Purely Physical For Men
The main reason that men are more interested in sex is because there is a primal instinct in men to copulate, to put their penises inside of women (yes, we are using the plural here) and deposit their sperm. It’s that simple. Men and women are designed to come together to reproduce and men have been programmed at the genetic level to get this done as often as they can and with as many women as they can to not only ensure that their genes live on, but also so that the species lives on. This primal urge is what has kept the human species in existence for thousands of years.
Now admittedly, this does not sound glamorous. But nature addresses the practical first and pretty later! The bottom line is that our collective survival has depended on this primal instinct for thousands of years and it has paid off.
Male sexuality is complex and is even harder to understand because of all the myths and fables surrounding it. In upcoming issues, we’ll explore common myths about male sexuality and provide concrete facts men can use to enhance their sexuality and (hopefully) their intimate relationships.